MENTATIONS.......

Of Mysteries and Searches

2010-03-16T15:48:00.005+05:30

Hands entwined, together, like a chain...

Efforts to disjoin, all go in vain..

Impregnable closeness...a mystery they wove

Magic in disguise, the feeling it provoked..

******************************************************************************

Shades of blue - azure, dark and light

Mingling in an erratic gradient, just before my sight...

I strive to look for my shade.

It is there - in pieces, all over, as if split by a blade...

Conniving behind the darker shades..

And in this frantic search, I miss those soothing lighter colours

Hidden below my shade of blue or maybe just its stupor..

And I step back to think...

Do I really know the shade of blue I want?

The one that will make me blink

P.S. The color blue signifies distance, love, peace, and happiness

*********************************************************************

Kuch Jaane Pehchaane Chehre

2010-01-14T22:35:00.000+05:30

Yunhi aaj bahut dinon baad phir se maine subah 8:15 ki local li.......
Apne chir parichit dabbe main chadhi..... aankhein anayas hi dhoondne lagi..
Us school teacher ke gang ko.... us pyaari dadi ko apne pote ke saath...
KC college ki us stylish ladki ko... bina shabdon ke jo roz naye navele fashion trends ka gyaan de deti thi....
Us nayi naveli punjabi dulhan ko, jiski sagaai se shaadi tak ka safar hum sab ne uski phone vartaalap se tay kiya tha...
Mere office ki building main hi kaam karne waali parsi madam ko jo bina naga humesha pyaari si muskurahat deti thi...
Aur main dhoondne lagi us choti ladki ko jo rang birangi chudiyaan liye us dabbe main roz rehti thi,,,
Chickoo bechne waali boodhi amma,,,, Khakhre bechti gujju ben....Maxi bechti hui woh christian granny

Bahut dhoonda.... aaj koi nahi tha...... 6 mahine aur sab kuch naya.....
Aur anayaas hi mujhe yeh dabba begaana lagne laga, sab naye chehre...
Aur anayaas hi dil main ek tees uthi aur yaad aaya, "aadmi musafir hai, aata hai jaata hai....."
Aaj yakeen ho gaya, hum sab musafir hi hain, aur yeh sansaar ek dharamshaala...
Par yeh bhi sach hai ki in mook aur alakshit doron se hi yeh sansaar sansaar hai aur hum jaanwaron se bhale...

Main shayad kal phir se taxi se jaaon kyunki woh dabba mere liye ab aparichit hai,,, shayad woh un aparichit logon ka moh tha jo mujhe aaj train ki or kheenche le gaya.... us train ka akelapan meri taxi ke akelepan se jyada bojhil tha...... Ya shayad main koshish karoon aur naye chechron ko jaane pehchaane chehron main tabdil kar doon.... pata nahi.....

The Mexican Twist

2010-01-13T12:53:00.004+05:30

It was exactly two years ago that I attended Mexican food classes to do something fruitful in an otherwise totally vella second year at IIM Ahmedabad...

Gujju land had its benefits as well for a vegetarian like me and all recipes that were to be taught, were custom made to suit vegan tastes ;)

My first attempt at trying out the cheesy nacho dip, a month later at home, failed miserably (thanks to the overtly health conscious sis and me.... we literally reduced the cheese content to 1/4th and hence the taste had to go awry....) That was a huge setback.... So, whilst I continued experimenting successfully with other cuisines, I never really went on to try other mexican bits except for baked bean grilled sandwiches on and off.....

But on this new year eve, with the whole family around, I finally decided to roll out a mexican main course. However, mom was sweet enough to keep an Indian backup option.... just in case ;)

Although Mexican cuisine matches the Indian food in terms of taste and spicy flavour, the dishes are a blend of several smaller, independent preparations....these intermediary dishes can be permuted and comutated to form a number of different delicacies....

Here is a list of the Mexican delicacies that went thankfully right this time ;)

Nachos and Tortillas

Both Nachos and Tortillas share the same dough and approximately the same cooking procedure. For their dough, we need

Maida (all purpose flour) : 1 cup
Maize flour: 1/3rd cup
Pinch of turmeric
1 tbsp oil
1/2 tsp chilli powder
Salt to taste

Mix all the ingredients of the dough and knead it with water. The dough shouldn't be hard and should have the texture of dough kneaded for parathas. A pinch of oregano can also be added to it

Make thin rotis out of this dough and heat it on a roti plate / tava, approximately 2-3 mins on each side

Tortilla bases are ready

To make nachos, cut each of these rotis into 6 triangular pieces and deep fry them for a min, till they turn light brown and crisp. The nachos are ready. You can alternatively grease and bake these traingular pieces (for an healthy option)

Salsa Sauce for Nachos

Tomatoes: 3
Red and Green Chilli: Chopped (2 tsp)
Onion : 1 finely chopped
Chilli powder: 1/2 tsp
Capsicum: 1
Oregano: 1/4 tsp
Sugar: 1/2 tsp
Vinegar
Pepperica
Salt: To taste
Oil: 1 tsp

1. Pierce a fork into capsicum and roast it on gas
2. Blanch the tomatoes by boiling in hot water for 5-10 mins (depending upon the tomato stiffness). Remove the peel and chop it into small pieces
3. Put oil in a skillet and add chopped onions. Fry them a bit (dont let them turn brown)
4. Then add the chopped roasted capsicum to the fried onions
5. Add the chopped tomatoes as well. Add green chilli rings and spice it wth pepperica and a bit of chilli powder
6. Add little salt (1/2 tsp), vinegar (1/2 tsp), sugar (1/4th tsp), and sprinkle oregano on it
7. Now add 1/4th cup of water
8. Using a low headed tablespoon, mash all the contents in the skillet
9. Mix well. The salsa sauce is ready

Alternatively, u can grind it corasely in a mixer

Fried Beans

Baked beans available in cans
Oil: 1 tbsp
Ginger: 1/2 tbsp (finely chopped)
Garlic: 1/4tbsp (finely chopped)
Chilli: 1/4 tbsp (finely chopped)
Chopped onions: 1/4 cup
Capscicum (chopped): 2 tbsp
Salt, pepperica, oregano, vinegar (1 tsp), sugar (1/2 tsp)

1. Put some oil in the skillet.
2. Add onions, ginger, garlic, chilli and capsicum. Fry for 2-3 mins
3.Then add 1 cup of baked beans
4. Add salt, pepperica, oregano, vinegar and sugar
5. Mix well

Mexican Sauce/ Hot Sauce

Ginger: 1/2 tbsp
Garlic: 1/4 tbsp
Chopped onions: 1 large
Tomato puree: Boil 3 tomatoes and make a puree by grinding them in a mixer
Salt, sugar, pepperica, chilli powder and oregano (to taste)
Tomato Ketchup: 1 tbsp

1. Put 1 tbsp oil in a pan. Add chopped onions and fry for 1-2 mins
2. Add ginger and garlic paste. Then add the tomato puree. If you think tomato puree has made it thin, then add 1 tbsp cornflour
3. Add 1 tbsp chilli tomato ketchup
4. Add all the seasonings
5. Mix well on the stove

Nacho with Salsa Sauce

Now all the input ingredients to the dish are ready

On a baking dish, spread the nachos. Spread the baked beans (directly from the can) on them. Spread the salsa sauce over it. Garnish with 2 cubes of grated cheese (amul or mozarella). Sprinkle pepperica and some salt. Bake the dish till cheese melts

Alternatively, you can use the salsa sauce as a dip and eat nachos with it

Enchilladas

Grease the oven plate with butter and pour the hot Mexican sauce.

On the tortilla base, spread the fried beans in the center. Then on it spread boiled corn (1 tbsp for each tortilla), 20 gm grated paneer, 1 tbsp chopped capsicum and 1 tbsp chopped spring onion

Fold the tortilla ends and put it in the plate over the sauce. Cover the folded tortilla with more mexican hot sauce. Garnish with corn, chopped capscicum, shredded onion, grated paneer and 2 cubes of grated cheese

Bake it in a preheated oven till the cheese melts. Be careful, that the sauce doesnt dry and get burnt in this time

Before Baking

Ready to be eaten

Bon Appetite !!

2010-01-04T22:18:00.001+05:30

Knock Knock....

He comes in...

They continue sitting.... distant, unattached, unperturbed...

No sign of seeming familiarity to one another and to him...

Composed demeanour, non-chalant glance...

All is fine, rather nothing seemingly out of place......

He leaves.....

Satisfied he hasn't disturbed....

Mild giggles...turning louder, deeper.....

The space narrows, familiarity regained.

A sigh of relief at the secret well hidden...

Strange are they, stranger the games they play..

Facade

2009-12-08T23:56:00.004+05:30

Facades; big-small, happy-sad...

Hiding, camouflaging....

Portraying what I desire.....

But from the corners of the facade

Outlines the fear - a wee li'l crack

Revealing what I so carefully keep under wraps

Random Thoughts

2009-11-24T23:20:00.003+05:30

Sleep comes after a long wait, like death...awaited for long....

....To end the agony of this forlon dawn....

Conversation, the sound that I hear....

When our silences entangle and its hard to bear....

Laughter, the beautiful reminder of past....

The childhood days, the innocence not lost....

Forgetfulness, nothing more than an enforced art,

A remembrance to forget and let things be of past....

Love, both the satiating elixir and the parched throat,

A wordless letter for you, which I never wrote....

Hope, it is that leap of faith...

Which we have together taken, in these times so strange....

Questions, are answers that I shy away to get....

Tears, the priceless pearls, that we so unnecessarily spend....

Choices are decisions that never turn out right....

Sadness is something I could never ever fight....

When Shadows Meet....

2009-11-23T17:27:00.002+05:30

Cobbled street in that reclusive corner of the town, filled with puddles and dirty rain water... Lightened by a solitary lamp.. fickle, yellow coloured light.... just enough to make one aware of that nook.....

And lies in that reclusive corner, a rotten, wooden bench...reminding you of a rainsoaked firewood.... useless, damp and in expectation of that inevitable end...

But it has been the only standing witness..... witness to the games that shadows play, on such windy nights and dusky days......

Often in the corner lies an old tramp, wretchedly dressed, something like a mad man, counting pennies and collects of the day... some leftover chocolates, bread pieces today, a delicacy in a lifetime... He sits back, aligned to the lamp, relishing the sight of the food.... his shadow stretching a mile away on the road....Overbearing with happiness, his win, his food for the day...

Shadow of two little kids, hopping across the road, jumping on pool water, their day made with this wonderous game.... their little feet trampling away everything,,, the play deepens and its a fight of might....one huge jump, a large fountain of water, shouts of esctatic win from the kids,,, a feebled sound of pain from the other side.. bread pieces covered with mud......

the shadows change, the tramp is crouched, the impending battle of the day is lost... and from there, he sits the shadow of kids receeding further away from him

And often on dusky evenings, steps of a coy girl.. the shadow tiptoeing to the nook... where a handsome boy awaits her... the two shadows transforming into one in the silhouettes of the night sky... unaware of this world, its over bearing norms....

And sometimes, there is a forlon man, talking to himself, cursing his loneliness, conversing with his shadow....

"I HATE YOU, please leave my side,,,, i am tired of being accompanied by you... you who wont speak to me, who wont soothe me in times of disarray, please leave my side"

"How... you should be grateful, i have been with you in days of pain and utter loneliness, the gloomy life that you are now living in... "

"But i dont need you, i need someone to talk, to share things, to keep me happy and make me feel I am cared for.... Being eternally present but distant in mind, heart, feelings and communication is not what i want.... This loneliness eats me up and hollows me from within... I don't need a shadow, a passive, uninterested, unattached soul.. but someone who feels...

"But you must agree, I am better than her, she was with you but yet passive, unattached, uninterested... a living shadow... I am atleast real..."

The Decision Maker...

2009-10-31T16:13:00.000+05:30

"My mother says that she only feels safe when all three of her children are at her home sleeping in their childhood beds. I always teased her about it, not really understanding how frightened she must feel at the complete loss of control she has over her children’s lives."

So true.... We the new generation has unknowingly distanced parents... robbing them off all controls and rights,.... Kids these days so often scorn back or choose to remain silent and not answer queries let alone involve them in their activities/ thoughts...

I wonder that its more often that I 'Tell' my mom-dad about my decisions rather than seeking their opinions on matter, involving them in small-big things of life....

This wasnt so a couple of years back.... when everything was governed/ directed by them... At times it even felt suffocating .. but deep down, it was reassuring that the choices made by me were well-thought, decisions well supported and backed by experience.....Moving from the sheltered existence brings with itself the freedom.. something that every teenager looks forward too; and no doubt it definitely is needed to make you more self-independent ... but an over do of it has never done good to anyone....

The students/ young bunch of people now move around with that all-knowing attitude.... some might argue that they should be let to do their own mistakes and learn from it... its been always so, the difference in generations... each generation becoming much more relaxed, 'COOL' then the previous one... but still the morale of the story remains that we have indeed distanced ourselves in mind and in thinking from our elders; giving our brains and our wee little experience, much more importance than they actually deserve....... anyhow....

P.S. Just some random thoughts as I stare at the overpriced flight tickets which my dad had showed me 2 days back, telling me they have slashed prices suddenly and better book at once... I procrastinated saying that they would now remain so.... But alas, they are back and that too with double coefficient of restitution

Computer and Me

2009-09-24T15:27:00.003+05:30

Class IX....sunny, winter afternoon and 2 days to go for christmas...

So what is the great gift this year... me and my sis wondered.... Some possible ones were on cards and we had guessed a few plausible gifts from dad considering the fact that not so non-verbal cues were constantly being hurled at him ;)

Finally our wishes were granted and we opened a brand new desktop.. Our first personal computer for just the two of us....
The excitement was all over ...... being extremely illiterate in comp usage (imagine to have learnt opening and using a word doc through memorized instructions in class 6 ;) ) with experience limited to playing games and surfing tits and bits,,, this was paradise for us.......

2 years later .. comp was a part and parcel of our existence,,, studying at IIT made it so indispensable and so addictive that life couldnt be imagined without it... I remember having most of the fights with my sis over it.... Chats, googling, random searches and not to forget the elixir - the very own IIT LAN to download movies, songs, sitcoms and sometimes precious reading material......

And then came IIM, the comp here was a virtual classroom,,, everything on earth through that one single comp... It was here through dbab that I learnt how one single device with a net connection can become the strongest linkage to the outside world and by outside i meant - my next door neighbours, my groupmates/ friends/ classmates living 2 blocks away, my teachers/RAs sending us quiz notifications..... That one single thing was the ultimate lifeline, the beacon of survival.....

And now 1.25 years into the job, the comp remains the single most powerful ammunition in my hand,,, but like all comp users, I have also moved up the heirarchy of addiction..... The computer commands now control my life..... I so many times do a 'Ctrl-Z' in real world wishing the virtual effect but alas thats not to happen... extra salt in the curry... wish there was a 'Ctrl-Z'; took the wrong turn on the road, Oh why no Ctrl-Z; I just wrote thisrakhi letter on the paper for cousin 1.. can I Ctrl-C it on the next page..... and the list goes on and on... when I have remembered those comp commands....

And so looks like thats it.... 5 more years with 12 hrs a day devoted to comp, I am sure gonna be a 'Computeroid' or a maniac wishing to merge the virtual and the real world.... HELP !!!!

Voices!!!

2009-09-22T22:26:00.005+05:30

Voice 1: This space has been neglected - neglected of the time, the space, the love and the attention that it demands.....

Voice 2: But so have been the nuemrous other passions; painting, dancing, reading, poetry, travelling, hearing to random pieces; watching and what not..... The love for banalties, the appreciation for insignificant non-entities.... all is lost

Voice 1: Life goes on and it will definitely continue to go on... but how it goes, where it goes and why it goes should be paused, thought and mused upon..... and if one realizes that it isnt the most optimal route/ path that one is taking then it should be changed/ contrived/ modified to remove all sources of dissonance and potential conflicts/ dissapointments........

Voice 2: AGREED.. the last paragraph is true... True when you are giving GYAAN or those wonderful words of wisdom which are seldom followed....... Life continues to go on... the inertia to change its course is too large to be even slightly tweaked....

Voice 1: No... it isn't so... people dream and those who dream big aren't worried to change the course.... They know what they want from life.... a lot of heartburn, fight within youself and with the outer world.... They don't let the life go on ... they change it....

Voice 2: Aah... the change makers; the torch bearers.... They are a selfish lot.... They see there dreams, work towards shaping them into reality, an effort to convert a mirage into real life saving elixir.. but what about those who make the dreams of these people their own dreams.... the passion adopted/ shared to support their loved ones.... and in the process curtailing their own dreams, passions and the nectar of life

Voice 1: Now this is prejudice.... you are doing that because you love the person, Its a choice you make since the feeling of love encompasses all your needs, dreams and passions,,,, Now don't get me started on the strength of love..... Your dreams are aligned because you share a bigger emotion ... a more powerful one....

Voice 2: Hmmmm....... Love..... but what is the point when the greatest love of your love is his/her dream and your love is nothing before that; Its a non-entity, an emotion not valued.....Its a waste, a humiliation, a disgrace to the choices that you have made.....

Voice 1: SO??? The choice lies before you... Why be pensive / gloomy about it... let it not matter what you think matters.....

Voice 2: Yes.... Let it not matter what matters......

Bed Time Conversations

2009-06-22T16:59:00.002+05:30

Raj and Rati lay on the bed, hearing each other’s heart beat in the cold, silent night; relaxing after a tiring and tedious day at work…

Raj suddenly gets up on his side and innocuously asks Rati, “Imagine there are two women, both belonging to a slum. One of them has a kid and the other is childless. The childless woman asks the other female to give her the child, citing reasons that she would love the child more and take better care since she has been childless and rearing to shower her motherly affection on someone. Do you think she can really love the child more than her birth mother? Do you think the mother would part away with the child??”

Rati instantaneously replies, “Never. She would never do so… for nine months she bore that child and do you think she had give him away and that to, to a female who can’t promise to give this child a better life, more amenities or take him away from the bane of poverty. Never. And loving more… well that’s so subjective.. For all you know, the love that she speaks about is nothing but ignoring the flaws and mistakes and just pampering the child to the core. Lack of discipline or scolding wouldn’t amount to more love. The mother would never give the child away” Her reply was firm and conclusionary

Raj brooded over her answer and immediately asked back, “Is it so difficult to let go your child and the memories?”

“Of Course it is!! How can you give away your child and stop thinking, talking or missing him/her”

“But he wouldn’t be around for the memories to grow. And whatever little she has, would soon fade away. You know the out-of-sight, out of mind funda!!” Raj was quick to retort back

“Aah, come on. A mother can never forget the child. She can never let go her children you see. Even when she turns old, her heart would flutter for her children, her family. How can then she give away the child”

“Do you remember your second cousin? The one who married her cousin brother and was banished out of her house? The family has no clue, no inkling of her whereabouts, her existence… its over 10 years now… Sure, she had a mother, a father… but they did forget, they did let her go…Their societal status was more bigger a thing than their own child”

“Hmm…”

“They don’t utter a word about her, erased of memory now… 10 years and they don’t miss her, even in their minds they don’t remember her… She isn’t remembered…. Yet they were her parents, her siblings….”

“But then what she did was socially wrong… guess they felt disgraced coz of what she had done.. It was a punishment, a tough one on them and on her… they pulled back her support system- her family… their way to let her know she is dead for them… Dead… They did let her go away…”

“And then there was this aunt of mine, who is suddenly erased out of all our memories one fine summer morning. I don’t even know where she is and what happened and why”

“But my aunt always laments about the kid that was still-born. 15 years and she still counts him as her child. He is remembered at all occasions, his birthday celebrated, his death mourned… She says she carried him for 9 months in her womb… he was a life she felt (although only for 9 months), he was a part of she and her husband, the first symbol of their love… and he should be remembered” Rati sighed..

“Hmm… I know… maybe it’s too tough and unlucrative for the woman to give away her child now; she can’t be benevolent in this matter; this is a vital truth… But a bigger truth is that the same mother would let go the child and erase memories if the circumstances lead to it… Strange are human emotions and strange are the way we think… Something so unimaginable at one instant would seem as the only solution at other”

“Yes, very true… very, very true”

“Well, this is what life is and this is how it shall remain….. wronging our convictions, making us take unthinkable decisions and putting us in acts that have to be enacted impromptu with no scope of retakes… Still I raise a toast to this journey called life… Goodnight sweetheart”

“Goodnight dear”

Dreams

2009-06-07T22:57:00.000+05:30

Dreams- the pristine clouds; Unbridled, uncurbed, untamed in sky
Are nothing but concoctions, that precipitate into a flurry……

Dreams- those imprecated birds, that left their nests, to know not where
And were harped by death, in their journey of quest…..

Dreams- the unfinished painting, with crooked lines and myriad hues
But lost the muse, before the painter got his due….

Dreams- the beautiful rainbow; appealing, fascinating and invigorating you
But was washed off the form, before its mysteries I could unsew….

Dreams- the sublime consciousness, vignetting our thoughts
Waking us in the nights, but in daylight are like battles lost

Dreams- the carved glass form, splitting the morning rays
That lost its panache when sharded into million frays

Dreams are those stars that I tried hard to reach…
Dreams are those songs that I could never beseech…
Dreams are the dews that melted in my hand…
Dreams are the plants that failed to grow in sand….
Dreams were ripples that died without a stir
Dreams were those ideas that were nothing but a blur

But dreams are also thoughts, that guide me through
Dreams are blessings that I count for you….
Dreams are longings that I crave for and yearn,
A packful of wishes still yet to unfurl…..
Dreams are not the end but a beacon of start
To own and possess what one truly deserves

Phaank

2009-06-03T14:33:00.008+05:30

Sookhi, banjar dharti main ek phankh.....

Pyaasi, Pathraai, door tak khinchi hui

Aur uske badan se sati huyi, sekdon nanhi nanhi phaankein,

Toh rahin ho jaise uske jeevan ke veerane ko

Soona astitiva, sooni chah, soona jeevan, nishprem awaas

Chah ek pathik ki, chah ek chirantan sakhi ki

Jaise keh rahi ho, maano to sukhe honth hon, ki

Zindagi se badi sazaa hi nahin

Aur kahin gira diya ek pakshi ne ek daana

Apna saara mamatava, apni saari aadrata

De use, di use ek zindagi, ek chaanv bhi

Kuch bacha nahi, sab luta diya, na dekha apna haal hi

Aur ho bada, khila woh phool, us sookhe registan main bhi

Failaayi apni jadein, kuch tanen, kuch mehekti bayar bhi

Bhar daala us phaank ka khaleepan, uski neeravta..

Jaise chuka raho ho udhaar, apni praandayeeni ka

Aur phir ek din, bhool gaya, ho gaya leen

Jeevan ki is apaadhaapi main....

Reh gayi woh phank phir pyaasi, akeli

Sochti hai, koi aur beej girega uski jholi main

Degi use sneh lutaar, saari mamta, saara pyaar

Aur tab tak, woh jeevit hai, is nishpraan jeevan ke saath

Where has my vocabulory gone!!!!!!

2009-04-06T15:19:00.008+05:30

This post is being written with a sense of disappointment, with utter grief and pity on my own self.....The feelings that encompass me now is that of being a handicap, or someone who is robbed away of whatever iota bit of talent and treasure she had....

I had fervently worked for 6 odd months to improve my vocab and my repertoire of words while appearing for the CAT examination..... Prior to that, I could have been labeled as someone who was decent in English but lacked the finesse to talk or participate among the elite knowledge holders of this great language (no pun intended.... it indeed is great!!!).....

I thought I did decent in these 6 months and added huge number of words to my short assemblage.... I used to pride at throwing away unheard, misfit words at my sis amidst day to day banters, chats and also spats..... (And she was might impressed by it... and we would inadvertently end the mighty argument that we would be having...... )..........

Obviously this called for thanking all Gods.........And so like a true devotee, I unwaveringly worshipped and thanked Barrons and my very own vocab builder software for giving me this edge above her .........

But today is different...... I feel like a bag full of gas that has been pricked and deflated ...... The very vocab I prided upon and its absence stares blatantly through this blog and laughs at me......

Today when I visited and read my old blogs, all I could find was repeat and over usage of words like ' serene', 'myriad', 'tranquil', 'vehemently', and many more......

Where were other new words..... ???? Do I write similar stuff that eludes the use of different genre / meaning of words or am I plain, simple incompetent to use new, better placed and more apt words......

I wonder where did those plentiful words that I once by-hearted disappear ..... I wonder if hippocampus played the culprit in this information loss while transiting them from short term to long term memory,,,,, or is my brain a lossy medium dissipating all this valuable information that is meant to be preciously stored and treasured........

Whatever the reason be, I feel dejected and saddened by the limited words i can use (or to phrase better, little words I know).... ..

So from today it is.......mugging Barrons' again.....endless games of scrabble...... repeat practice on vocab builder.......anything....

Anything to overcome this sad state... anything to be back in words,,,,, anything to belong once again to the elite group of knowledge mongers and English connoisseurs

I pray to Thee....."please give me back my vocab".....

Signing off with a SIGH......

Morning Bliss

2009-04-06T14:10:00.006+05:30

I saw my child, sleeping deep and sound...

In wallows of sleep so wide and profound....

A little smile that ran on the lips....

An angelic face that had lit up with grace....

The morning beam's first ray did a dance,,

On his face, that was unperturbed and calm....

The fingers were curled up and twined...

As if holding his precious prize...

The serenic view that the sight arose...

Made me stop to stare him close...

And relish the tranquility that the moment brought...

To this fiery life spent in numerous dreams sought...

Mujhe Feminist hone ki 'Ijazzat' hai !

2009-03-26T14:46:00.001+05:30

Watched Ijazzat once again and yet again the women in me cried for rekha and anuradha.... the two women torn between the whimsical, confused and definitely extremely mentally weak naseeruddin shah.....
Their fate decided by a man who was himself not sure of what he desired... what he should have stood by and what he should have let go... torn between his audacity and the pressures of society and in turn weaving a web of lies for himself and for the two of them.....
Now Now.... I am getting critical but just couldnt help feel bad and acknowledge that women's fate still remains putty in hands of the male to an extent....
The movie always tends to bring out the feministic streak in me and leaves me in a conundrum of helplessness and despair......
I inevitably end up talking vehemently of how wrong the protagonist was to the two females and fret and carry this heartburn and then forget over a couple of days... So this time around decided to vent it out on blog and feel sorry for their plight

Of turtles and puppies

2009-03-18T13:05:00.005+05:30

Free in office and for lack of better things decided to clean up the mail box....

Of all the intended cleaning that was to happen, all I ended up doing was reading old conversations and smiling away at the innocence and liveliness and brute honesty of thoughts exchanged...

In one such conversation, I hit upon the place where I was vehemently trying to oppose having a turtle as a pet.... now any sane person would have understood that the person on the other side was trying to take my case by suggesting to keep turtles but here I was all animated and sure to not 'paalo' a turtle and taking it all seriously ;) ......

Whatever the conclusion to that chat, what matters is how gullible and stupid I can get at times...... This has often led to tears and watersheds but at times it has also led to heartbreaks, dip in faith, loss of respect and or even loss of precious friends.....

And at other times, this has led me to hold onto things and words which are best forgotten and lost..... words that add jealousy, dissapointment, pain and all negative thoughts to one's existence..... thoughts and instances that stay put and refuse to let you move on and enjoy the beauty that engulfs this world.....

But then, haven't I cherished it for all the innocence that it brings ....... the fact that you believe and take people on their face value, on words that they have spoken and on intentions and feelings and kind words they have for you... (they might still be fooling around and saying good words in jest but it nevertheless gives you a kick ... ;) )

So all said and done.... maybe this gullibility should be let to stay,,, what say ;) ???

P.S. I am wondering why i started with the title 'turtles and puppies' but guess will let it stay..... (for sake of arousing interest ;))

My Nook

2009-03-17T12:04:00.003+05:30

The summer night breezes have an awesome feel to them....
The humidity and the sultry mumbai weather was driving me nuts till a day ago i discovered this li'l nook in my house where i could sit and gaze, albeit only huge buildings and thankfully some lush green old trees and enjoy the summer evening breeze.....

It has the capacity to set me free..... It lets my mind run in millions of directions, all incoherent, yet touching some unrealized, unacknowledged needs, dreams or pain of mine.... It makes me fall in love with the concept of love and belongingness...... It makes me love the bond that i am in and yet it frees and pushes me to go and grab all the dreams and aspirations that are waiting for me to be held in these small hands........
The nook gives voice to my solitude and the view from there gives it vision....
Its the painted imagery of how i want my life to be...... tranquil, serene and yest bustling with hope, energy and love....

Reticence

2009-02-05T16:43:00.001+05:30

A emotionless face when the world seems to crumble

A gleam in eyes when on success I tumble

The lowered eyelashes under your loving gaze

And the tweaked eyebrows when I am in a daze....

The softened smile when you talk to me....

The blushed cheeks on hearing those words three...

The twitched lips when in pensive mood

The lost eyes when I get something to brood

Holding your hand to know that you mean

A hell lot more than apparent dreams...

A pat on the back, An encouraging glance

All sum up this world and our reticence....

What If .....

2009-02-03T18:02:00.006+05:30

****************************************************************

Hi... I guess I am in love....

Really!!!.. wow....That comes as a surprise !!

Yeah I know... But I think I have found the one I would want to spend my life with !!!

Thats great!!! so who is the lucky gal? and have u told her about it....

She is my school friend... I admired her in school...... but then we lost touch... met her this time .... and believe me ,,, I havent stopped loving her.... But i need to tell it to her....

Thats nice... so what are you waiting for... Go and tell her...

I don't know.. if she likes me or not.. I don't know if she is in a relationship.... I know nothing about her... You are the one who has to help me.... plz plz plz

How can I help u????

Listen .. I would introduce you to her over chat.... She is moving to delhi and u can help her with contacts and general helping around.....befriend her and please get this info out ...... plz plz .... I want to know if she is seeing someone.... for if she is then I would stay away.... please do this for me....... U r a great friend!!!

No Probs.... Will try my best :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii............. I am SOOOOOOOOOO Happy.....Thanks Thanks so much.......Thanks for sending those flowers on my behalf....... Thanks for sending the chocs,,,, She loves me .... Thanksssss :)

Anything for a friend.... Glad i was of some help....

I owe this to you....

Come on.... now enjoy..... and Many many Congratulations !!!!!

You know.... thanks for letting me cry like a child on your shoulders.... Thanks for those walks when i thought i have lost her.....Thanks for that...Thanks for everything.....

Its OK .... Anytime for a friend... So lets celebrate....

Yes :)... But first lets find someone for you....yaar kisi ko to haan bolo.... Log mare jaate hain....

No I ain't good enough....

Come on... who said so.... you are too good.....

Is it??? I still would believe I am not good enough....

Whatever..... lets celebrate.. you are the first one i broke this news to.... lemme tell this to my friends... and thanks once again for everything :)).... chalo cya... Bbye....

BBye......

........Yes I may be 'good' but i am not 'good enough'... have never been good enough for you.... 4 silent years and i have kept it hidden in my heart..... will forever do so....
But then i think.... 'what if' i had told you ever about it.... the 'what if' would always remian.....

********************************************************************

The Missing Pieces

2009-02-02T14:05:00.003+05:30

Life seems like a jigsaw puzzle at times to me…. We in a frenzy trying to search for all the lost and matching pieces to give it a sense of fulfillment, a sense of completion…. The pieces in countless shapes and sizes reflecting the myriad colors of life: pleasure, sorrow, envy, love, accomplishment, faith and so on……
But then why aren’t we ever able to find all ends and make this jigsaw puzzle complete…. Is it because they don’t exist or is it because we haven’t just tried hard enough to find them and put them in place…..
Maybe the answer is ‘NO’ to both the above conjectures,,,, we spend our lives trying hard (or that is what we would like to believe that we gave it our best shot), but yet we fail… the sense of completion never comes….

I guess here lies the stark difference between our approach to life and to a simple puzzle game. All throughout our life, we just strive to find the bright colors, the colors which our vivacious and full of life…. the pieces that reflect our dreams, our aspirations and those which give us joy and pleasure. We go on adding those and increasing the web of the puzzle……. But then we forget that the pieces that reflect pain, sorrow, jealousy, blockheads, etc. are a part of this larger web and cant be avoided….they are needed to fill the missing spaces…. They tag along with these ‘Happy Pieces’ and keep on filling the unoccupied space…..
So the next time when you wonder why are u going thru this ,,, remember to cherish those sorrow, pain and fear… for a brighter, colorful jigsaw piece is awaiting somewhere down there to complement this one :)

Realization !!!!!

2009-02-02T13:00:00.002+05:30

Vulnerable, Stupid, Idiot, Gullible, Helpless, Jealous,,,,
Too many words defining the existence,,, and how silly to have wondered that one can be a person of few words ;)

Well... life is indeed unpredictable that ways.... One might have taken pride to be the most coolest, non-chalant being on this Universe, unperturbed by happenings around, ever so satisfied with what one gets, not setting expectation and thus not bothering if they are met or not....
Life is bliss if this is the mantra.....
But then hadnt one be God if they had the right notion or belief about themselves ;)
and isnt the most peaceful, tranquil, existence, the worst sampleset and situation to have formed it ;) (i wonder why too many winkies.. but i am tempted to do so.... )

Hmmm... but yes the realization has dawned - I defnitely am not the Coolest, the most Non-Chalant and the most carefree being on Earth .... what a realization :D ... but yes so it is ....

So lemme revive this long lost blog with this new realization :)

Abhi nahi aana

2008-07-23T00:20:00.003+05:30

Heard this beautiful rendition by Sona mahaptra... could have been sung better i feel...

Abhi Nahi Aana Sajana
Mohe Thoda Marne De...
Intezaar Karne De
Abhi Nahin Aana Sajana

Bhejiyo Sandeshwa , Aap Nahin Aana
Thode Door Rahke, Mohe Tarsana
Abhi To Mein Chahun, Saari Saari Raat Jagana
Abhi Nahi Aana Sajana

Ruk Ruk Aana, Dheere Dheere Chalna
Bhoolna Dagaria, Raste Badalna
Nahi Abhi Mohe,Garwa Nahi Hai Lagna
Abhi nahi Aana Sajana

Abhi Naa Jagao, Bane Raho Sapna
Abhi San-Mukh Naa, Laao Mukh Apna
Abhi To Mein Chahun, Aas Lagaye Rakhna.

2008-07-23T00:15:00.000+05:30

Kabhi socha hai kya tumne....
Ki kis path hum chalte hain....
Bas badhawas se ho kar...
Jaise kuch faasle kam karte hain...

Kabhi baithe ho tum..
Kshanik tham kar, ruk kar
Saath chalte sang tumhare...
Kuch anjaane rishte bhi hain

Kabhi maana hai kya tumne...
Ki raah main panthi bhi thakte hain
Bas thokar tumhe nahi....
Kuch pathar unhe bhi milte hain

Kabhi bandhanon ke chakravyuh ko
Bhedne ki koshish karo...
Tum shayad cheer daalo..
Lekin kuch abhimanyu bhi hote hain...

Kabhi shabdon ke bhedon ko...
Samajhna aasan nahi.....
Do pal dekar tum bhi…
Un goodh arthon ko samajhne ki koshish karo…..

Bas kuch pal, kuch kshan, kuch shabd
kuch gam, kuch khwaish, kuch hansi
Kuch yaadein, kuch shikayatein….
Kuch baatein bhi mere naam karo…
Kuch der ruk kar tum….Kuch der tahar kar tum…..

कभी कभी…... यह मन

2008-05-27T01:21:00.002+05:30

कभी कभी…... यह मन

कभी धवल चाँद की लाज सा ..
बादलों मैं छुप जाता है मन…
कभी उन्मुक्त पाखी सा..
बावरा हो उद्द जाता है मन
कभी धैर्य का अन्मोल पाठ ..
स्वयं ही पढ़ लेता है मन…
कभी विचलित हो, बौराया सा
भटकता , खोता है मन …

कभी पाता है पन्नों मैं लिखे
आधे अधूरे शब्दों मैं अर्थ.
कभी क्षिस्तिज की सीमाओं से पर
ढूँढ लाता है नए बन्धन.
कभी अनभिज्ञ बन, शैशव सा
स्नेह निर्झर बन जाता है मन..
और कभी बाँध बन उन्माद प्रवाह को,
सीमित, व्यधित कर लेता है मन.

कभी इन्द्रधनुषी रंगों मैं
घुल जाता है, मिल जाता है..
और कभी हठी बालक सा,
रंगविहीन, क्लेशित हो जाता है.
कभी चाहता है की छू ले
नभ की ऊँचाइयों को वह भी...
और कभी बस इस हाध मांस के
पिंजरे से खुश हो जाता है.

और कभी यह मन कहता है
क्यों होते इतने बन्धन हैं
क्यों रहते हैं सहमे सहमे..
क्यों करते बस समर्पण हैं....

बस कभी कभी…... यह मन कहता है

Amazing ghazal....

2008-04-12T13:48:00.003+05:30

Heard this amazing ghazal while going thru my Jagjit collection...
wondered how i had missed its words...

bazm-e-dushman meinn bulaate ho ye kyaa karate ho
aur phir aankh churaate ho ye kyaa karate ho

baad mere koee mujh saa na milegaa tum ko
Khaak mein kis ko milaate ho ye kyaa karate ho

chintey paani ke na lo neend bharee aankhon par
sote fitnay ko jagaate ho ye kyaa karate ho

ham to dete nahin kyaa ye bhee zabardastee hai
chheen kar dil liye jaate ho ye kyaa karate ho

ho na jaaye kaheinn daaman kaa churaanaa mushkil
mujh ko devaanaa banaate ho ye kyaa karate ho

Kuch hum bhi hain, kuch tum bhi lekin

2008-04-11T23:06:00.002+05:30

शंकित हृदय, कुछ क्लेश सा है मन

कुछ प्रेम भी है, कुछ आत्मीय सा बंधन

कुछ अपरिचित अहसास, कुछ अनभिज्ञ स्वप्न

कुछ हम भी हैं, कुछ तुम भी इनमें......

किसी बहती दरिया के प्रवाह मैं

बह जाने , खो जाने की चाह

कुछ रौंदे हुए पत्तों से जीवन के

फिर जीवित होने का आभास

इन ख्यालों के आने की वजह

कुछ हम भी हैं , कुछ तुम भी लेकिन

कभी हसरत भरी निगाहें ..

कभी सहमी , दर्री साँसे ....

कभी मौन रहकर भी होती हैं बातें ...

और कभी हर शब्द को तरसती हैं आँखें

इस बावली सी हरकतों के गुनाहगार,

कुछ हम भी हैं , कुछ तुम भी लेकिन

For one last time....

2008-02-27T04:46:00.000+05:30

The red bricks, the wooden decor

The challenge CPs or the classes that were bore

The auto rides, the broken legs

The D formation, the pics that we snapped

Hitting the clock with colourful chalks,

The senti speeches by we all folks

The ID lectures and the monkey’s paw

The T-nite debacle that’s best lost in awe

The accents around, with emphasis on “RIGHT”

The sleeping beauties and the dreams that took flight

The running from mess, the closing of doors

The occasional classes where even our spirits sore

The fight for back seat or for Thita’s side

Mamu’s verdict on those we actually did bide

The toy problem, the flapping wings

There were some teachers we shall always miss ;)

The several stories that saw the day....

Although many heartbreaks which also came by

But what would remain with us, are these inseparable bonds

The friends, the songs, the sentiments abound...

For one last time, I walk through this class

For one last time, I try to encompass....

The feelings of something amiss, that will linger around

Haunting for days that have no count....

For one last time, let me embrace..

For one last time, let me accept

For one last time, I do confess..

The love for WIMWI I do profess

Gym a day...more than keeping docs at bay

2007-12-14T20:37:00.000+05:30

FITNESS FREAK- this century of youth has become just that.. and me not far behind….
Have now been having this regular gymming sessions to supposedly stay "FIT"….so much so that 20 days of hols and the first thing that I do is to enroll in the local gym at my parent's place…..
After lazy hours of clerical activities and banal formalities done; 10 days into the vacations, I get my card done… Never to late to push off.. right? :)

4:30 P.M. - the ladies time and I adhere to the norm.. All ready, I whisk away to "Modern Gymanasium" only to find myself welcomed by aunties from my apartment, sweating out there…
Welcome to Gym and of course the euphoria that my presence creates….
"oh dear", kab aayi???
Kitne dino tak ho yahan…?
Mere ghar to beta tum aate hi nahi…
Itne duble ho gaye ho ? gym kyun aayi.. ghar main theek se khao peo
and it goes on and on and on and on !!!!
My IPod firmly switched off now and I begin returning these pleasantries….

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally manage to begin the workout...... I try hard to concentrate on the peppy numbers that are ON.. but just cant do so.. the conversation lingering around is far more interesting…
The maids running away.. so and so bought new saree, Mrs X's daughter likes that teacher who comes to teach her.... I heard the school children these days watch all those arbit movies coming on TV... Humare bacchon ki kya himmat thi ki kuch aisa waisa dekhte,, kya karen and etc etc… The cycling and treadmills have pleasantly taken a backseat......they are all excited over these new piece of information shared....

I freak out.. For heaven's sake, Its a place to stay fit and workout not to gossip….... But of course I can't say that to them….
I continue my workout.. They continue to talk…

The aunties leave after 45 mins…. And finally I find some solace..... Suddenly the silence is reverberating and makes me think.....
They are 50+ ladies but yet so full of life.....… their enthusiasm still effuses out......everytime they see me they light up as if I was their real daughter, their sense of love is from within…
We try to act so composed, so refined, not indulging in apparently "senseless gossips" - but the truth is that we are so occupied with ourselves that we fail to look not only at others flaws but also feel no love or compassion.. They hold no place in our lives…
Can I imagine myself feeling similar warmth for them whenever I see them..?
Would I care what happens in their lives- if not for any gossips, then definitely not for times when we need them or they need us….

And above all, they are still untouched by this fitness mania,,,,,,,for them gym's actual purpose is secondary- In actuality it's a place to break free from the bounds of home and enjoy this life although in a slightly devilish manner ;)

The little secret

2007-07-14T01:18:00.000+05:30

I enclosed it somewhere, deep down the heart
Undeterred, unfound, like that whispering sound...
The words, the beats, the conspiring feats-
Lay quiet! And guard that secret deep

For years, its veiled, untarnished, untouched
The essence of my being, oblivious to others
My dreams, my beliefs, the casket of glees
My kinder days and the innocent deals

Let me unleash and open it now
Let me relive those wondrous sounds
Let me again feel the Ganges flow
Let me unravel the chants and furor
Let me walk through the shaky lane
The chiseled street, the cobbled road
Towards the nook, that hides the chest,
The Pandora box, with my riches best

There lies that rusty case,
Waiting to be opened and unraveled….

Let me search my broken heart,
That cried all night for the treasure lost….
Let me try my princess dress,
On a carriage, that I wore and fled…..
Let me hold that touch me not,
Whose mystery had left me spell bound…
Let me try that glistening bangle,
Red and pink, and flowery too…
Let me read that forlorn book,
So inspiring and yet unknown…
Let me spell out my childhood crush,
The brawny hero, the wicked don…
Let me shine the lonely shell,
How it held life? I found it difficult to tell…
Let me gather the diffusing smell,
That flows out and touches my self
Let me identify the fingerprints on each,
The memories of friends, so far from my reach…
Let me hold the luxury that I had,
A decorated candy, all for myself…
Let me feel the emotions again,
Of Bday cards and letters penned…
Let me smile at my childhood pic,
The little baby nestled so safe,,,
The secure lap of mom and dad..
The assuring arms that gladly held…
Let me keep these secrets safe..
Of remembrances and for days ahead..

Gum aur Nahi....

2007-07-13T23:08:00.000+05:30

Gum aur nahi, ek hi kafi hai
wajood nahi, teri yaad hi kafi hai
Hum reh gaye is jahan main; taraste, bilakhte
Muddaton se ankahee humari kahani baaki hai
Kyun kashmakash main pade rahe
kuch hum aur kuch tum, yun naadan
Kyun sargoshi se kah chale
tum apne dil ki daastan
kyun ruke nahi meri maun pukaron se
Kyun kar chale ruswa bhari mehfil main yunhi
Kyun dete rahe sazaa banke humraaz mere
Kyun badte rahe adig, rond ke khwab mere
Kyun samjhe nahi tum, ki shabd hote hain khokle
Bavle, manchale; aparibhashit ashru se nahi
Kyun nahi samjhe meri tatparta ke abhav ko
Kyun nahi jaane shaalinta ke libaas ko
Kyun nahi kahe ki aye shamaa jalti raho
Kyun nahi samjhe ki uske bina bas andhera hi baaki hai
Gum aur nahi ek hi kaafi hai
wajood nahi, teri yaad hi baaki hai

Of partings and meetings

2007-06-13T00:45:00.000+05:30

Bend in the road..... My favorite chapter from my favorite book..
The chapter that told about subtle reconciliations, of incipient relations, of things to look forwad to.....
But the bends are not just grounds (rather spots) for these meetings.....They can be for parting as well....so painful, so unwanted and yet so profound and intense....They are so difficult.. the last bye, the misty eyes, the unknown age, time, the numerous uncertainities...
the road that you both travelled together.. sharing the heat, the spring, the voices that you heard together..the leaves that crumpled beneath ..... but there lies before you.; the bend, the road diverting into two.....and you know it would be years before they converge.. the steps are hard but they have to be taken,,the words are many,,but can hardly be spoken...the emotions are overflowing...and they can hardly be curbed...But what flows unrestrained, unbridled is the wish, the prayer, the belief that come what may, the roads will cross, the meetings would happen, but untill then we continue to walk our way, without the others support, basking in our joys but still waiting to meet the other back once again !!

P.S. This is for u dear abhivayakti

pensive notes

2007-05-23T01:52:00.001+05:30

I had always wondered, how would the pensive notes be like? Will they also have the undulations of notes that reflect the joys of the ambience, the atmosphere in their own vibrancy or would they fluctuate naughtily like the unbridled notes. Would these notes carry with them the onus of the pain, the sorrow, and the chains of grief with them??? Would they be different for different people????
Pensive notes turned out to be so different!!!!! Omnipresent, they lie alongside the several beautiful rhythms that spur occasionally. They complement them, adding tones to these joyous sounds; They are like the dams that try to hold the flowing water, the joyous moments, helping me relish them, enjoy them and above all understand that pensive notes are melancholous only to add tune and beauty to the erstwhile unbridled, naughty notes

Facchadom at IIMA

2007-03-28T03:25:00.000+05:30

Reh jayegi bas ab yaad is ek saal ki jee tod mehnat, naye dost, naye mukamon ko choone aur tamaam vakyon ki

Hence this definitely calls for a deviation of my usual writing style...

My first poem wid splurges of urdu in it

Kabhi yeh shauk aaya tha humein
Ki chalo kuch barbaad hua jaye,
Kuch shant si behti zindagi ko
tarannum si lehar mil jaye

Reh reh kar khinchte the
kisi tilasmi manzil ki taraf
kuch aise fanse kashmakash main
Ki yahin pahunch gaye hum

kahan samjha tha humne ki azaadi kya hai
Kya hain vichaar; unki seema kahan hai
Jab bandh jaati hai soch, par katte hain
Jab do pal ki tanhaaii ko bhi taraste hain

Hum to aehmaq ban gaye,
is bekaar ki guftgu main
Kyun chod aaye us sukunnat ko
Basne is registaan main

Kabhi rehte the mast,
Is kafil-e-mehfil main;
Aaj hai aalam aisa;
na hum aur na yeh ruh baaki hai

The bend on the road..

2007-03-21T02:16:00.000+05:30

"Is mod se jaate hain,, kuch sust kadam raste, kuch tez kadam raahein"

The song flows in the backdrop,, so harmlessly and inanely,, but yet so meaningful, so deep..

Life indeed is a bend; sometimes too sharp, sometimes just enough to give you a slight jolt..

Had it not been for these recursive jerks, we would be just submerged in the mindless monotoniety that engulfs us... The endless sequence of mundane jobs, the bliss of living and enjoying this inertia...
This routine and the mundaneness just makes you wait for the right turn, the right direction, the right path..
The tired steps avert these turns , the frightful souls avoid..
For them, this monotony seems bliss, A bliss that excludes them from making decisions, choosing their own course, being accountable for one's own self...

But then there are steps that manouvre their path, their own way;
The bends are opportunities , the unknown, the key to myriad treasures...

This bend on the road is for you to seek, to explore, to search,,,
So rise over this inertia and acclaim the treasure it holds for you!!!

2006-10-08T01:34:00.001+05:30

"Tender twigs are bent and folded

Art to nature beauty lends;

Childhood easily is moulded;

Manhood breaks, but seldom bends."

A wonderful session reviving and taking us back to the lost childhood days,,, of the numerous mischiefs done, of the wonderful time spent, of the oblivious days spent,,,,

But among others, what it most reflected was the crux of the above lines,,,

The inimitable "Ego", the dauntless spirit, the veils of false self-efficacy that surround us, curbing the beauty, the "lovable core", the child within us and thus in turn manipulating the motif of creating we, the so-called most supreme creations,,,

But , The "I" within us encompasses all "Wes" ,forgetting that greatness lies in moulding urself, accepting others for what they are, not for what u want them to be,,,,

For we are like those little twigs to be shaped by nature to generate beauty,,,

Let this gudness within us be exploited, let us break free from the masks that we so cleverly put on,,

let for a day loose ur inhibitions, ur expectations and expectations from u,,, let for a day be child once again,,, laughing out loud, crying in pain,,, crystal clear in heart!!!!

You!!!

2006-09-02T19:59:00.000+05:30

You are beauty, grace and love
You are my strength and all that I yearn
You are the heaven’s most beautiful description,,,
You are ubiquitous in every creation,,,
You have been my mentor, my soul, my guide,,,
You are the interpreter of my unsaid plights,,,
You are the essence of my being,
My identity and all myriad things…
You have been the calm of my turbulent self,,
You have been the endurance of my impatient self
My adolescent inaneness, you took in your stride,,
Just love and care for those mindless fights,,,
You are the light that guides my way,,,
The warmth and care that transcends all bays,,,
My biased admirer, My secret critic,,,
You made me win the things that I did,,
You are spirituality and this world for me
You are the thoughts that lead me free,,,
You are the healing to all the wounds,,,
And the numerous pains that know no bounds,,,
You are my friend, my privy, my guide,,
And I wish this shall always bide.

A Very Happy Birthday To You !!!!!

A Beautiful day!!!

2006-08-28T02:06:00.000+05:30

For the first time at Ahmedabad , I was awake to welcome the first ray that broke into my room ,,,,so resplendent,,,,,, bright but not intense,,,, warm but not scorching,,,,
The bluish, reddish sky , the scent of dawn , the morning calls of birds,,,, the heavenly message effusing out of every being , animate or inanimate…..
The world asleep around me, many perhaps just a wee bit before,,,, the silence encompassing me,,,,,
Something drew me to move out and feel it, my feet guided me on their own accord,,,
The outside world was thousand times enchanting than from that little nook assigned to me ,,,,,,
And then this beautiful morn inadvertently took me back to several such breathtaking morns witnessed earlier,,,
Is it different from them???? Is the feel similar,,,,
Yes,, its different,,,, very very different,,,,,
The morn here is mystical, the voices soothing but unknown, giving pleasure but not faith,,,,,
The earlier morns had mundane but familiar sounds , ones you could relate to,,, ones that personified faith and love and care even when generated unconsciously,,,,,
The world earlier was viewed by a mortal, someone tied down to things,, every bit of sky seemed your own,,,,
But here you can’t claim, its just to witness and seek momentary pleasure,,,,

But whatever it might be,,,, I feel happy after so long,,,
This Sunday morn, I’ve seen the other side of this city,,,, so aesthetic , so serene,,,,
And I look forward to spend this beautiful day!!!!!

The River,,,

2006-08-26T02:18:00.000+05:30

The silent river; tranquil,, serene,,, unperturbed by the ambience, unperturbed by the fact that someone sits on its side; as serene, as quiet, as calm as its own self but embroiled in her own quandary, her own thoughts, her own anguish,,,,
Someone like its own surface; seemingly steady and placid ,,,but so vulnerable to turbulence,,,, one little pebble: and this silence is broken, this order, this acceptance of familiarity, of steadiness,,,, all of it is lost,,,

This little undulation transforms into a giant wave, carrying away with it all the serenity, all the calm,,, leaving behind a turmoiled existence,,,,,
A miniscule mentation, infracting the peace, the joy, the happiness,,,,
A placid life encumbered by desires, agonies, expectations;

All that now remains is to curb the wave, to curb her desires, to remain in this real realm,,,,
The realm of Reality, of Truth, of Accepting things as they come,,, of accepting joys,,, of accepting pains,,, of accepting neglect,,,,, of accepting denials ,,, of accepting acceptances
Designing itself to resist this pebble, the pain inflicted by it, breaking free of the control that it has , the thoughts, this pain, those fragments of words,,,,
Attaining its own serene , unperturbed , unscathed self once again,,,,
And For other souls to sit beside it and yet again envy - its placidity, its calm, its endurance

I wait !!!!

2006-08-08T23:26:00.000+05:30

Walking on red bricks,
With chrysanthemums around…
Deprived of its covers…
The empty walls that lie around,,,
The hanging curtains, soiled and bemired,,
The frenzy and revelry that is somewhere lost,,,

The moron rooms that had turned so gay,,,
And the night long renditions that made there way,,,
The numerous bonds that were formed,,,,
But the occasional rifts that also went round,,

But they now stand, waiting to witness,,,
The smearing of colors and the midnight bashes,,,
Like the spring leaf, we had blossomed around,,
But autumn’s tyranny has no bound,,,

We’re back to that old moron world,,
Deprived of colors, joy and fun,,,,
But what we cherish, will forever stay,,
The lifelong bonds and friendships we made,,,

Walking on red bricks, I wait to witness,,,
More such days of blissful senses,,
More such hours of carefree oblivion,,
More such moments, worth eternal treasures.

There

2006-07-08T21:59:00.000+05:30

A paradise it may be for you,,,,
A heaven that you attained,,,,
A glory of thousand shimmers,,,
A beauty well acclaimed,,,,
The reasons might be many,,,
But what they bring is dear,,
Tears of joy and pleasure,,,
Imminent and so near,,,
But along comes the anguish,,
Of being so far from there,,,
There, where you stayed and spent and played and strived,,
There, where you know, only happiness can lie
There, what you call,abode in the truest sense,,
There, where you breath, the most fragrant air,,,
A web of desires and thoughts arise,,,,
That take you through your entire life ,,,
But deep down only what remains,,,
Is sweet memories of “There” again.

Let Me Be..

2006-05-22T00:36:00.000+05:30

Let me be the moon , so frivolous and gay
Moulding its shape , that pleases its way

Let me be the winds that gush around
Jovial and free making beautiful sounds

Let me be the butterfly thats coloured so bright
Dazzling its beauty and pleasing our sight

Let me be that raindrop settled on the leaf
Radiating the sunbeams in seven colors for THEE

Let me be the river , so placid and serene
With moon and stars shining within me

Let me be the snowflakes of the first christmas fall
Eagerly awaited and desired by all

Let me be the Sunrise , showing new morns
To the lives of people , deprived for so long

And let me be the sunset , that will bring no pains
Only hopes of finding a new "sunrise" again

I wish I was a Goldfish!

2006-05-06T01:02:00.000+05:30

I wish I was a goldfish,,,,,with a 3s memory span,,,,,aloof of what lies in store and what i've lost,,,Enjoying every second for its own beauty,,,,thanking god for its existence,,,without going into the reasons of it,,

The present being the best,,,its vividity nothing but a semblance of divinity,,,every momentan aeon in itself,,,,something unique,unseen,unheard,unfelt,devoid of any signatures to compare it with,,,,the beauty, the innocence , the pain all exotic to that one divine moment........

The moment carved by ur ownself,,,,,the sky seeming new once again,,,the days afresh,,,,thefights forgotten,,,but the promises kept,,,,Neither The pain of seperation nor the anxiety to anticipate,,,,the time leading the way instead you steering it away,,,,,

But Holding no memories,,,,treasuring no gains,,,,u just live and die,,leaving neither memories nor pain,,,,U are to noone as noone is to you,,,,u r for urself in all that you do,,,

Without,,,

2006-04-22T22:38:00.000+05:30

We are now strangers,
And forever shall be.
Without our eyes meeting
Still speaking words to each.
Without crossing the barriers,
Without seeking to feel,
Without holding you,
Just a pain you would be.
Without building castles
Of the happy hours ahead,
Without brooding over
The precious days we left.
Without seeking pardon
For those nasty words we shared
Without craving forward for,
Those pleasantries we had.
Without singing to ourselves
The songs of bliss and love,
Without mourning for those
Who forever shall leave us.
Without waiting to witness,
The reaped fruit of love.
Just lets meet and depart,
and follow this sacrosanct rule.
Without you , let me find,
The new meaning to life.
Without me , let you tread,
And seek felicity in life.

tagging Love

2006-04-07T11:45:00.000+05:30

I've been tagged :(( and that too quite mercilessly on the topic that i've been shying off rather asininely to write on . Pyaar , ishq aur mohabbat : the rules to this game are as ambiguous as it can be,,,,But still we all tread on it ; finding our own paths , own way and our own comrade on it .Each of us dream of someone special and am I an exception to it ????

Before starting let me refresh your memory regarding the "tagging" business .
1. The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of their perfect lover
2. You have to mention the sex of the target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment on their comments saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged the 2nd time, there's no need to post again.

So here's my pandora box unleashed :

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

:D,,,U see i'm really an exception to it,,,,,so aphrodite u have to wait for me to really write something on "LOVE" :))
On a more serious note,,,,,,The day that person comes along my way , I would be loving and falling for him irrespective of what all i think or want in that guy ,,,,so frnds me waiting for that day,,and definitely then i would update this:D

and I'm simply going to enjoy the nxt part . I tag : abhivyakti , aphrodite, poornima , sneha , sarika , anant , sindhu , chavvi:)

BARE TREES,,,,

2006-03-20T23:30:00.000+05:30

Bare and naked ; It stands as a colossal ; reminiscent of the beauty its been deprived off ; the flowers it has lost ; the leaves that now lie fallen below it ; nothing more than a dry mass of waste ; crackling on touch , cursing their destiny of robbing them off their beauty , their life , their existence.

Bare and naked ; It reminds the rover of that beautiful spring when he lay under its vast spread of shade ; heaven in that huge desert ; the birds that chirped above ; the scent that filled the air; the motherly way it nurtured ,,,

Bare and naked ; It reminds those birds of their nests , their abode where they began their lives , their menage , those shares , those fights , those rearing of their childs ,,,,

Bare and naked , it reminds me of that walk , that eternity, that winter night ; that spring morn ; those pink flowers , that forlorn bench , those secrets shared , that smiling pic , those cups of tea , those endless talks ,,,

And for autumns to come , this bare tree would remind you of ME........

Shall we dance

2006-03-17T21:51:00.000+05:30

The rhythm and the beats,
With the music and reeds;
The desire to dance, with you along;
You, who is unknown , but still belong:
To the dreams , that I dread to see,
Or in the sync that I wish to achieve.

In the waltz of life with you along,
Let we be in perfect harmony and accord.
To the unsaid words that torture my soul,
Or the mute tunes that I sing so long,
Let us dance on them like never before,
Hand in hand , soliciting the floor.

Be it first or let it be last,
No matter how we tap and dance.
For this is how we shall continue to be,
In wrongs and rights and rhythms and beats.
For I'll step my feet where you sway me along,
And you in turn would follow my song.

But when the chords break or the rhythm is lost,
We'll together contrive and ammend its form .
Just you and me would together attain ,
The phoenix from its ashes again .
The trust and faith shall seldom be lost,
In this dance of life with you along.
The pains of strain or the riches to gain,
Can take a toll and discord the sync.
But whisper these words before its late:
"SHALL WE DANCE" my dear again.

Adieu,,

2006-02-25T00:37:00.000+05:30

It was like any other dawn ; Birds chirping ,,,,,,,scented breeze and the first signs of the golden rays tearing away the darkness,,,,,,,,,but it was the 17th of february,,,,17th FEB 2002,,,,The day she wud be formally bidding adieu to her alma mater; her school,,her first tryst with life,,,

She was there on time , articulately dressed, her usual calm and composed self ; exchanging pleasantaries with her friends , mentors and those inanimate objects whose existence seemed so meaningful today. Snacks were served ,,,,, adresses delivered ; some with misty eyes and some with buisness-like perfection embossed with words but devoid of emotions,,,,, And it was now her turn to do the honours,,,,

Quietly , with misty eyes and some incoherent words , she thanked everyone around for the wonderful time that she had and how wud she miss it from now on,,,,Miles lay ahead of her ; the sky to reach and the world to conquer,,,,she said it all ,,,,,
But there was something which she never said,,,,,She never said how much she wud miss that one particular friend with whom she had smiled and cried her heart out,,,,,how one certain teacher silently encouraged and supported her always,,,she never said how badly she wud miss those banterings with her peers,,,,she never said that the last farewell song had touched her so much that she could never ever forget its poignancy,,,,,she never said how those childish pranks played by her can still make her smile,,,how her fantasies knew no bounds while enacting "the arms and the man",,,,,how the only spank that she ever recieved still made her cry,,,,,how much she enjoyed gossiping 'bout the "events" around,,overhearing conversations and nicknames that knew no bounds,,,, that she also respected those teachers as her parents , who called her their dear child,,,, she never said how much she wud miss those desks, benches, the scribbled comments on them,, ,,and she never said that some day when she returns back ,she would still be loving it the same,,,
But today ,,four years hence , face to face with a farewell so many times more difficult than the previous one , she can only contemplate,,,,be her calm and composed self,,thank everyone around for the wunderful time that she had , bid adieu and leave everything else unsaid for the next one,,,,,

DAYS,,,,

2006-02-22T21:27:00.000+05:30

These everlasting lanes Where I ran and played,,,,
Those melliflous sounds that soothed my way,,,,,
The hidden alcove with my secrets profound,,,
Those yesteryears with their charms abound,,,
The tender hands that brought me up,,,,
Ignored my tantrums and nurtured with love,,,
The little nook , where I fell and cried,,
Or the pretty dresses that made me smile ,,,
Those two little plaits with red ribbons,,,
The black shoes with lacy buttons,,,
Those plaintive rhymes and fairytales,,,
Of kings and queens and endless trails,,,
Took us to the world that we dreamt,,,,
Filled with love and no contempt .
Those wonder words that people said,,,
Or the occasional rifts that I often had,,,,
Those frequent fights that were 'normous fun,,
That innocence of childhood can never return,,,

The nostalgia of the days gone by,,,
Still loom large which i can never defy,,,
Unaware of worries , ache and pain,,,
Take me back to those blissful days,,,
Where I can once again feel the charm of this life;
The truth of my existence and the destiny that I deny.

Roobaroo Roshni hai !!

2006-02-20T23:32:00.000+05:30

The other day my friend asked me " If given a legal right , whom wud you like to kill???"
I had answered jokingly " too many to name",,,,
But i was so so very wrong,,,,,,My perceptions have changed suddenly in a day,,,,,,,thnx to rakeysh Omprakash,,,I've now realized what it actually takes to transform educated , carefree and self centered ppl like us to brutal killers ,,,,,
The hatred , pain and frustration ofbeing wronged , of losing someone dear , of letting go our hard earned freedom to corrupt and senseless ppl around us ,,,the intensity with which certain events affect us ; all combine to bring out the worst in us,,,
Its easy to name ppl whom you hate and wud like to kill,,,but it is million times more difficult to vent out your hatred against ppl who have actually wronged you , robbed you of your rights and left you to just LIVE ; live not for happiness but live to breathe and breathe to live,,,,,

To kill or to defy law is a taboo and something that instantly terms you as a terrorist ,,,,,a defaulter , an outsocial ,,,
If that applies,was bhagat singh a terrorist ?
Was the stubborn opposition of Gandhiji not a breaking of law?
Or was massive killing of innocent ppl during Jalianwallah not a breach of law on the britishers part????
Sure , these incidents were termed the same at the time they took place ,,,But are they the same 50-60 yrs hence,,,,
Definitely NO ,,,they r now termed as sacrifices , quoted as examples of bravery to generations that follow,,,,,serving as epitome of selfless act for the benefit of masses,
If that be the case , an act of today to make India better , although be it against the law,is definitely a worthwile investment ;An investment that wud look for our sacrifices ,,,,the awakening of this generation and those to follow, to come out of the self confined territories to accept the drastic truths staring blatantly at our faces,,,,,
This may sound too huge and made up,,and perhaps once the hangover of the movie passes by me,I would also return back to the mundane self centered life of mine ,,,,,,
But , as of today , I've viewed this world with a different light,,,,At least for today ,,,,to me ROOBAROO ROSHNI HAI

WORDS

2006-01-11T01:38:00.000+05:30

Some say that silence speaks....
And your eyes reflect what your heart feels.
You don't need words to vent out your thoughts,
your feelings and desires and all that you sought.
But we need words to vignette our life..
The painter within us yearning to strive.
To choose words that matter to us
And touch the people we most trust.
To say the words, which we had longed to hear,,
But the hope slimmed with each passing year.
To gift that little heartfelt thanks,,,
That we never could give,,
To seek penance for the offence
That we so often committed,,,,
Thoughts that could never transcend
The interiors of our heart,,,
Beliefs that were lost
On the bends of our paths,,,,,
Words that were left untold
Of praises and love and respect and woe,,,,,
Reconciliations that could never happen
For it was silence that sought those,,,
Words that would go down with you
Unsaid and unuttered with emotions they hold,,,,
Address them to others , for they also yearn
To feel your love and care and concern,,,,
For words give meaning not only to prose
But to verses of life that you so often propose,,,,

hazaaron khwaishein aisi

2006-01-03T14:16:00.000+05:30

Streets we have never walked on
Windows we have never openend
Hands we have never held
Dreams we shall never ever see
Lives we have never lived
Hopes we have never realized
Fires we have never lit
Love we shall never ever get
But still , I hear those strange whispers again!!!!

Interpretations

2005-11-24T00:45:00.000+05:30

Marasim :
The relationship that is felt and not forced,,,,,which originates from trifle incidents and strengthens with time,,,,
It can be as poignant as the love between a mother and her child or can be as bitter as that between two rivals ,,,,
It can be as deep as that felt by two lovers seperated by the manmade bounds or as shallow as what a miser feels for his money,,,,
It can be as pure as the faithful chants of a devotee or can be as bemired as that between a slayer and his prey,,,,,
It can be as perspicuous as a book for everyone to read or as intangible as a crypt left to be decoded for you and me,,,,,,
It is the bond that now binds you and me,,,for you know my thoughts from which you know me,,,,,,,,,,

VARTIKA :

Vartika , the lighted wick of an earthen lamp,,,,,,,the wick that burns itself to light the world around her,,,,,,

Vartika , the elucidiation of vedas ,,,,,,,,,signifying its purity and relevance,,,,,,giving us the insight to the myriad mysteries of our life,,,,,,,,

Vartika, the floral arrangement of a flower ,,,,,,,,,intending to underscore the importance of order in life,,,,,,,,,,as the beauty of flower is reflected by its flawless arrangement ; the beauty of life is portrayed in its rhythm and sync,,,,,,

Vartika , the color,,,,,,,,,,,,,pouring colors of life over the grimness and darkness surrounding this world,,,,,,,

And lastly , Vartika , the "tulika " or the brush ,,,,,,,,,adding colors of happiness and dimensions of hope to your existence

To leave behind,,,,

2005-11-17T00:17:00.000+05:30

In the misty morn with glistening rays,,
An answer was given to anxious prays,,,
A wee little girl with wee little smile,,,
Came down to earth to tread the mile,,,,

The world seemed beautiful with its riches galore,,,,
The mysteries to unfurl and the treasures to explore,,,,
She lived in a shell , protected and unharmed
Cocooned in a world of utopian charm,,,,,,

She grew to be loved and cared by all,,,,
Unscathed from any harm that came along,,,
For her the world was this divine home,,,,
Embraced with love , entwined with hope.

And then came the day,,all dressed in red,,,,
With misty eyes that glistened like beads,,,,
She was to leave this abode and tread,,,
The path of her life and the bend ahead .
To leave behind , the days of mirth ,,,
To leave behind , whatever was hers,,,
To leave behind the only identity she had,,,,,
To leave behind for whom she most cared,,,,,
To leave behind , the ONLY world she saw,,,,,
To leave behind , who's part she was,,,
To leave behind , the unconditional care,,,
Bestowed on her irrespective of her flare
To leave behind ,the heavenly love,,,
Which had followed her everywhere,,,,,
To leave behind the Utopian world,,,,
Who's existence she had felt,,,,,
AND to leave behind with only one plead,,,,
To build the same wherever she went.

FOLLOW UR DREAMS ,,,,,,,,,

2005-10-23T21:31:00.000+05:30

The alchemist - the book that inspires u to dream big and not just dream but pusrue that dream,,,,,,,,,
The book glides thru a plethora of thoughts and fundae to lead life ,,,,,,The protagonist is indeed someone whom one can look up to draw inspiration and the zeal to achieve what u want,,,,,,,,,,,
Initially on reading the book , it seemed like a book that was far from reality,,,,For after all how many of us have in us the courage to give up all the amenities and chase a dream having no
footing and is nothing more than a figment of our unconscious mind,,,,,,,,,,How many of us dream and believe in there feasibility.,,,,,,I have also dreamt numerous times of achieving something great in life ,,,,,but what remains on regaining consciousness is just a smile resulting on the mere thought of assuming myself in that covetous state,,,,,,,,,,,,,And thats what the story is about : If the mere thought can give u so much happiness then how wud it be to actually achieve ur dream,,,,,,,,,,,,,The moral and way is simple and unique,,,,,,,never give up , work towards ur goal but never forget ur past and who mattered to u ,,,,,,As the King of Salem said ,,," The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world,and never to forget the drops of the oil on the spoon"
But most of us shy off to pursue our dreams,,,,,,,we are one of the two kinds ; The first kind symbolized by the crystal merchant,,,,,,,who are monotonously carrying on with their lives with a secret dream ,,,The dream that is highly realizable ,,,,,,But are skeptical to achieve it for the fear that once it is achieved, they wud have nothing left to excite themselves to carry on with their lives ,,,,,,For Once we have met our ultimate goal , the life wud seem meaningless without any challenge or desire left ,,,,,,,
The other half are those leading a life similar to the early life of the protagonist : The knowledge that gr8 things exist in the world,,,,,,,,but those who are wary to give up this life of comfort , stability and ease to explore untreaded lands,,,,,,,,,,
Most of us undoubtedly populate the second dichotomy(including me),,,,,,,And this book is undoubtedly for people like us to introspect and weigh the importance of our dreams as compared to pithy comforts that surround us,,,,,,,,,What we find is that most of the times when we find that our dreams are not plausible we switch them,,,,,,,,we mould them according to our ambience and surroundings,,,,,Then what remains is not what we actually want to achieve but what can be
ACHIEVED ,,,,,,,,,,,Its not our dream that we pursue then,,,,,,,,,,,It is what is guided by norms and conventions and therefore results in the most hackneyed solution to our dreams,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Instead what we actually require is the endurance and the fanatic like will of the Protagonist to find the treasure ,,,,,,,,,,,,Our dreams might not be as momentous as the treasure or the protagonist's lady love but whatever they are , they are equally important ; for they are our dreams ,,,,,,,,,,,,,We might be mocked as the protagonist is mocked so many times,,,,but that is what will be our litmus test,,,,,,,and that will decide at the end how well can we achieve what we want,,,,,,,,,,,our persistence and perseverance,,,,,,Our will to holdfast to the actual dream without chasing the euphemistic versions of it ,,,,,,,,,,,,And as Paul Coelho advises us ,,,,,,identify the omens,,,,,,,,and perhaps writing this is an omen for me which has rejuvenated in me the importance of realizing my dreams and achieving them,,,,,,,,,,,

WHY

2005-10-21T00:17:00.000+05:30

Why is it that a little child,,,,,
Longs to step in his father's boot,,,,,
And the father with all his plight,,,,
Longs to be a child once more,,,,,,
Why is it that we lose to see,,,,,
The love and care of our dear ones,,,,,,
And why do then we yearn for them ,,,,,,
When we know they can never return,,,,,,,,
Why is it that some spend their life ,,,,
yearning for more and more,,,,,,,,
While there are so many others,,,,,
Who care little for what these treasures store,,,,,,
Why is it that luck favors some ...
When all of us bear the brunt.,,,,,
Why is it that "ONLY" some get what they want
When the others've toiled the same amount......
Why is it that these viccitudes ,,,,,,,,,,
Hurt me more than others,,,,,,,
Why is it that I enclose myself,,,,,,,
In wraps of anxiety and bother,,,,,,,,
Why is it that I fail to see,,,,,,
The kindness of THEE,,,,,
Why is it I forget to concede ,,,,,,
How lucky I have been,,,,,,,
Why is this pessimism,,,,,,
Concomitant with me,,,,,,,,
When I know ,inspite of all,,,
How lucky I have been,,,,,,,,,,

The Unknown

2005-10-17T23:38:00.000+05:30

I have heard you within me......
And have felt you hear to me....
My agonies and my pain.....
My desires and my aims .....
My distress when I cry ,,,,
My anguish when I sigh........

You led my way when I was lost......
You told me what was right and wrong....
You know why I cry n what makes me smile.....
You know why I tread this long mile.....
You can fathom what i feel......
You know my dreams and what I seek...
You know me through ,but I've yet to seek...
You are the "UNKNOWN" ,,,,I'm yet to meet

The life which is.....

2005-10-16T23:26:00.000+05:30

Why am I what I am???? Looking at the vast dark expanse of the welken that shreds the bright sunshine to myriad bits every night;I fear that sooner or later this would be the fate of every being......so why have we been given the hope to live ,,,,,the reason to dream and the zeal to pursue these dreams when ultimately they would be shattered to innumerable shards........